I think I can, I think I can

I am a lover of children's books for so many reasons. The illustrations are always remarkable, of course, but often it's their simple messages that just touch my soul. One of my favorites is The Little Engine That Could. Whenever I find myself needing courage and strength, I channel my inner Little Blue Engine and chant "I think I can ... I think I can".

I am in way over my head this Christmas. Who am I kidding, it's every Christmas. There are never enough hours in the day, days in the week, weeks in the month, and months in the year, even though it seems like I start planning out Christmas earlier and earlier every year. This year I've done a lot of crafting, which truly brings me great enjoyment and pride. It's such a wonderful distraction, though, that I neglect all of my real life duties (like laundry!). So, here I am, barely 4 days until Christmas with my house looking at ground zero and a "to do" list still a mile long. In an effort to ward off a complete nervous breakdown, I went to my happy place and thought of The Little Blue Engine.

I think I can ... I think I can ... I think I can finish the grocery shopping, the housekeeping, and the laundering ... I think wrap the last few presents and not forget the ones that I've had tucked away in the top of the closet for four months ... I think I can bake the cookies and make the much sought-after holiday cranberry-applesauce ... I think I can make elf magic happen ... I think I can pinch hit for Santa to get all the presents out under the tree and the stockings filled ... I think I can ... I think I can.

More importantly than all the things I can try to accomplish over the next few days, I think I can remember what the holiday season is about. I think I can be joyous for miracles and reverent in faith. I think I can be grateful for a loving family and the comforts of home. I think I can pray for those in need. I think I can be a devoted and generous wife, mother, daughter, sister, friend and neighbor. I think I can ... I think I can.

The wine cork wreath

(Two posts in one day - can you stand it?!?)

I saw this wine cork wreath in a catalog and I thought, wow, my mom would just love that. I sent my sister an email to ask if Mom had anything like that already. She said how funny, Mom just saw that same wreath in her Wine Enthusiast magazine and was totally gushing over it. So, I figured it was something I could make. I mean, honestly, who would pay $75 for a cork wreath? Well ...

Three tips to the craft store

one straw wreath form

nearly 400 corks

at least 50 mini hot glue sticks

3 hot glue burns

1 allergic reaction to straw

2 Benedryl

1 shower

1 migraine

600mg of Motrin

4 attempts to tie a bow

a few swear words

and many, many hours later ...

I have finished the wine cork wreath! And now I know exactly who would pay $75 for a wine cork wreath.

Teddy and Lulu have arrived!

Santa dropped off our Christmas elves (a la Elf on the Shelf) last night. Imagine George's surprised when he woke up to this:

Lulu was carrying a note from Santa. It reads:

Dear George,

Ho ho ho!

I’d like you to meet Teddy and Lulu, my magical Christmas elves. They will be staying with you until I come back for them on Christmas Eve, and they will let me know if you’ve been naughty or nice.

Teddy and Lulu have brought you some gifts to thank you for your hospitality. They are my most generous - and mischievous - elves. I certainly hope they behave themselves during their stay!

Please take good care of them, and be good for goodness sake.

Love,

Santa

George was flabbergasted. He said "Wook! Wook at that Momma!". He hung on to my every word as I read Santa's letter. He particularly loved that Lulu brought him a candy cane, as there is no bigger fan of mint candy than Mr. Georgie Sweetpickle. It was certainly a magical Christmas moment for him.

I guess we will wait and see what kind of mischief the elves get into during their stay!

Tequila Christmas Cake

Although my blog is looking suspiciously like a baking and cooking blog, pleased don't be fooled. I'll leave that magic to Bakerella and The Pioneer Woman. However, when I find a recipe that works for this lazy chef, I feel it worthy to share. I have not personally tried the following recipe, but it looks like a winner.

Tequila Christmas Cake

1 cup sugar
1 tsp. baking powder
1 cup water
1 tsp. salt
1 cup brown sugar
Lemon juice
4 large eggs
Nuts of your choice
1 bottle tequila
2 cups dried fruit

Sample the tequila to check quality. Take a large bowl; check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality.

Repeat.

Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.

Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.

At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is sstill OK. Try another cup just in case.

Turn off the mixerer thingy.

Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck iin the cup of dried fruit.

Pick the fruit up off the floor.

Mix on the turner.

If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity.

Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something.

Check the tequila.

Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.

Add one table.

Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.

Don't forget to beat off the turner

Finally, throw the bowl through the window.

Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat.

Cherry Mistmas!!! *b u r p*

Homemade Pure Vanilla Extract

Next holiday season, knock your friends' socks off with this very special gift ... homemade pure vanilla extract. It's absurdly simple but it looks like a million bucks. You need to start this project months in advance, so mark your calendars for June or July. The recipe only has two ingredients - vanilla beans and vodka.

HOMEMADE PURE VANILLA EXTRACT

25 vanilla beans

1.75 liters of inexpensive vodka

I purchased my vanilla beans from a reputable seller on eBay, Vanilla Products USA. I chose organic Grade A Madagascar vanilla for a very sweet and rich extract, however Grade B is perfectly acceptable for vanilla-making. You may want to add a smidge of corn syrup or sugar if you are using Grade B beans to cut down on the alcohol smell and to add richness. Simply slice your beans down the middle so the lovely speckled stuff on the inside is exposed.

For the vodka, I chose an inexpensive variety in a glass container. I don't know that using vodka from a plastic container is a no-no, so use whatever tickles your fancy at the liquor store. Pour out some of the vodka into a glass to allow for the displacement that will occur when you add the beans. Drop in all 50 of your bean halves and then replace the vodka so it's covering all of your beans. You'll have a few ounces of vodka left, so I suggest you have a cocktail as a reward for all of your hard work.

Cap the vodka bottle and place it back in the brown paper bag it inevitably came in. Store the steeping vanilla in a cool and dry place for at least 4 months. Seriously peeps, the longer the better. Once in a blue moon, take out the vodka and give it a shake. I did this whenever I happened to be in the basement grabbing something off of the pantry shelf. It'll help redistribute all the 'niller bits that have settled on the bottom of the container.

When you're ready to bottle, filter your gorgeous concoction through a coffee filter. This is quite a tedious process and you'll go through many a coffee filter. The oils from the beans gum up the works and you'll have to replace the coffee filter frequently.

Bottle the vanilla in the container of your choice. I opted for a swanky little 8 ounce amber-colored Boston round bottle from Specialty Bottle. You can use any second hand bottle you'd like though. My 1.75 liters of vanilla yielded a little more than six 8 ounce bottles of vanilla. This is quite a generous gift, considering a typical store bought vanilla is only a couple of ounces.

Here is my finished product:

May God bless Martha Stewart's Grammy

We are simply reveling in Christmas bliss here at the Sweetpickle household. It's a balmy 38 degrees, the sun is shining, there's still a little snow on the ground and the house smells like cookies. Truth be told, it smells like burnt cookies, but before the burnt cookies, it smelled like warm, delicious chocolate cookies.

I recently picked up a cookie cookbook for my brother-in-law's birthday, since he fancies himself a baker. I was planning on pairing it with some of my homemade vanilla. The book is Martha Stewart's Cookies and oh my, is it a gem!

I don't have a copy for myself so I took the liberty of browsing bro's book to find a few select recipes to try. I stumbled on Grammy's Chocolate Cookies. Martha sure knows the way to my heart. She had me at chocolate.

With the help of my little Georgie Sweetpickle, we whipped up a batch of these divine confections this morning. I'll share the recipe with you as long as you don't tell Martha that I'm infringing on her royalties. Or copyright. Or whatever makes her a gazillion dollars a year.

GRAMMY'S CHOCOLATE COOKIES

2 cups plus 2 tablespoons all purpose flour

3/4 cup unsweetened Dutch-processed cocoa (never skimp on the cocoa quality is my motto)

1 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt (Martha specifies coarse salt, but I really have no idea why - I happened to use Trader Joes Sea Salt and it was all good)

1 1/4 cups (2 1/2 sticks) unsalted butter

2 cups white granulated sugar

2 large eggs

2 tsp vanilla

sanding sugar (as if, I don't even know what this is)

- Sift flour, cocoa, baking soda and salt together

- Cream sugar and butter on a medium speed until light in color and fluffy, about 2 minutes

- Add eggs and vanilla, mix on low speed until combined

- On LOW SPEED, add flour mixture

- Wrap dough in plastic wrap and chill for one hour

- Form 1 1/4 inch balls and roll in sugar (regular granulated sugar is just fine if you ask me)

- Bake 10-12 minutes, rotating the pan half way through

- Allow to cool on pan for about five minutes then transfer to wire rack

- Die a thousand deaths of happiness as you enjoy your chocolate miracles

And a few tips for a more successful recipe, from me to you.

- If you care what your cookies look like post-baking whatsoever, don't let your toddler do the rolling-in-sugar part. Georgie Sweetpickle mistook the cookie dough as Play-Doh, flattened it like a pancake and then squeezed it until it was oozing out of his chubby little fingers before I could say ... well, anything. We ran with this - it was quite efficient, after all - and had a pan filled with what looked like little piles of poo in no time. Unfortunately there was method to Martha's madness with regard to the rolling of the cookies into a ball. The spread while they're baking. The result of the first George-inspired round of cookies was edge to edge cookie. No worries though. A wave of a knife and voila - flat, crispy, brownie-shaped cookies. And be still, my heart, they were divine.

- The instructions to add the flour on LOW SPEED is a requirement, not merely a suggestion. That is, unless you really like the way your lungs feel after inhaling cocoa flour and treasure cleaning it off your ceiling. And cabinets. And floor. And everywhere in between. I'm just saying.

- Don't put a batch of cookies in the oven and leave the kitchen to, say, gossip on an internet forum with your besties. The Christmas music you were getting jiggy with will mask the sound of the timer beep and 20 minutes later you'll be asking yourself "What's that smell?". Again, I'm just saying.

- These cookies, as is true with all Christmas cookies, don't have any Weight Watcher points so just enjoy.

Pepperoncini Beef

This is one of the most simple and delicious meals you can make.

Large beef roast

1 jar of pepperoncinis

Place roast in crockpot. Pour in jar of pepperoncinis, juice and all. Cook the devil out of it, at least six hours or so. Shred with a fork and serve in an infinite number of ways.

That's it! I don't know what poundage I typically use for the roast, usually they're all packaged in a similar size. I like to trim any excess fat that is on the outside of the meat. You really don't need it to make the beef successful, and my back end surely doesn't need it. And because I'm a very lazy chef, I buy the pepperoncinis pre-sliced and de-stemmed.

The beef is great on a hoagie rolled, topped with provolone cheese and toasted quickly under the broiler. Wrap it up in corn tortillas, cover with enchilada sauce and a light sprinkle of cheddar, bake until heated through. Top a plate of tortilla chips with the beef for some zesty nachos. The possibilities are quite endless.

Enjoy!